Self-esteem affects our trust in others, our relationships, our work-nearly every part of our lives. Positive self-esteem gives us the strength and flexibility to take charge of our lives and grow form our mistakes without the fear of rejection. Some outward signs of positive self-esteem:

• Confidence
• Self-direction
• Nonblaming behavior
• An awareness of personal strengths
• Optimism
• An ability to solve problems
• Good Self-care
• The ability to say no

Nobody is born with low self-esteem; it’s something that is learned. It is the result of filtering the opinions, comments, looks, suggestions, and actions of those around us through a person’s own feelings and self-image. If a person grows up with critical, disapproving parents, for example, that person may learn that he or she can never do well enough. This doesn’t mean that individuals with low self-esteem receive only negative comments or reactions from those around them. It means that, although everyone receives positive and negative messages, the person with low self-esteem filters out the good and hears only the bad.

If you value the type of person you are, you have a good sense of self-esteem and you’re proud to be you. You value your skills and talents, respect your own intelligence and act on your beliefs and feelings. But if you could feel better about yourself, these tips might give you some ideas about how to start.

All of carry on a mental dialogue. Do you ever hear what you are saying to yourself? Do you put yourself down or call yourself names? You should learn to listen to the things you say about yourself, then replace that dialogue with positive images. Stop negative self-talk at the source to take the first step toward a more positive self-esteem.

Make a list of your accomplishments, no matter how small they seem to you. Maybe you won’t win a Prize on them, but your accomplishments have a special value to you. By recognizing them, you can begin to understand that you are important and that you have good self-esteem.

Learn to be assertive and to practice clear communication. Say what you mean and respect what others have to say. Remember to stand up for what you believe in.

Be tolerant of yourself and others. Nobody’s perfect! Try not to criticize yourself or other people and don’t expect others to criticize you. Recognize that a mistake is only a mistake and try not to dwell on it.

Spend time with people who value you. Listen to what they say about you. If others are constantly putting you down, you might want to reconsider those relationships. People you choose to be around are often a mirror of how you feel about yourself. A person can find the best in you and others by expecting it.

It takes time, hard work, and it may require professional counseling to build your self-esteem back up. But there are simple positive-thinking techniques that can be used to help improve self-esteem. These are called affirmations. Affirmations are encoring messages we can give ourselves everyday until they become part or our feelings and beliefs. Affirmations work best when a person is relaxed, but since people are often upset when they are giving themselves negative self-messages, they may need to counter negative messages with positive ones.

Like our physical and mental self-esteem, our emotional self-esteem is influenced by factors beyond our control---such as our parents, families, and environment. If, in the main, they have been supportive and encouraging experiences, we are more likely to feel good about ourselves, If they have been difficult or harsh experiences, we are less likely to feel good about ourselves. Although what has shaped our past need not dictate our emotional self-esteem in the future---so long as we believe in our capacity for change, and so long as we trust our ability to improve ourselves. If we can alter our self-image, we can alter our lives.

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